Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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