My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize