We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
