would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
