nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
