Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize