I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
