I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
