Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
