i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
