did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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