If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
