I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
