you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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