Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
as a side note pls kill me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
