I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
