at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
