I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
