She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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