If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
