I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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