Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
