You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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