They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
