they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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