Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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