Ambien. No doubt about it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
