I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
