i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
