I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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