4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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