I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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