I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You ate ashes out of my bong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
