i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
