So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
