You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
