I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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