I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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