Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
