dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
