I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think your dad took our porno
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
