how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
