That's intense
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
