life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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