There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
