The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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