i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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