I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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