you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize