Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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