Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
