His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're like the curious george of whores
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize