i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
