omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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