I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How does it feel to date your dad?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
