I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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