Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize