I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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