It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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