I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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