My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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