in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
