I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
