well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
