This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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