The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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