I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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