toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
